Six Weeks Is Plenty Of Time To Get Your Tubes Tied

Despite facing worldwide derision for signing one of the most restrictive anti-abortion laws in the Milky Way, Gov. Bud Abbott (R, TX) insists that the law will result in fewer unwanted pregnancies by offering poor women access to free birth control, which he claims “has been scientifically proven to reduce pregnancies from rape & incest nearly to zero.”

Abbott also stressed that the new law only affects only women, meaning that nearly half of all Texans have nothing to worry about.

“And that’s not all,” he added, “Because if most women take advantage of our free or low-cost tying off of your hoo-hah, there will be less reason for Mexicans to swarm across the border looking to impregnate our great Texas women to make more anchor babies.”