America Has A Bold New Market For Industrial-Strength Sex Toys!

During the ongoing pandemic, our nation of miserable fucks’ sexually adventurous have pursued new & potentially illegal forms of gratification to comply with local COVID restrictions.

One of these interspecies relationships led to the discovery that few male dolphins are circumcized, while female dolphins have one of the largest & most sensitive clitorises on the planet, often requiring stimulation from as many as five macho human males to achieve orgasm.

Female dolphin orgasms are extremely rare in the wild because the males are so woke.

Scientists applaud the finding, saying it supports proposed legislation to make it a Class C Felony for American males to perform group cunnilingus on a dolphin, Communal dolphin orgasms have been linked to at least thirteen catastrophic tsunamis in the last 50 years.

Discussions over the particulars of the bill remain stalled in Congress because Repugnicunts have demanded guarantees that the bill cannot be expanded to include other aquatic lifeforms without ratification of two-thirds of all state legislatures.