The Mouse Fucked Us In Advance, Florida’s Favorite Führer Whines

Saying he didn’t know why he should be bound by terms of a legal agreement between Disney Corp and the state of Florida made in May of 1967 before he became supreme ayatollah of America’s cartographic nutsack, Gov Ron “Little Don” DeSantis (R-Word, FL) vowed to “explore all options — and I want to stress we’re considering every option on the table, up to and including the N-word, as President Trump likes to call it — when dealing with these woke fascists who refuse to bargain in good faith with our Silent Moral Majority.

“I wasn’t even born until 1978,” the governor, a front-runner for the 2024 GOP presidential nomination explained, "so how can I have been a party to this agreement? That would be like having to follow all the rules in the Constitution, when only a few Democrats, such as their current president, were alive back then.”

When DeSantis signed Senate Bill 4-C on Friday, he could barely conceal the little stiffy he was sporting in his seersucker slacks as he laid Sharpie to discount copy paper purchased from an area Dollar Tree.

The bill officially dissolves Disney’s special service district in June 2023 in retaliation for Disney and its CEO publicly opposing Florida’s controversial American Chrstian Family Values In Education Act, which is called The Pervert Holocaust Preparedness Bill by critics.

The governor’s erection quickly disappeared when his own financial advisors admitted before the ink was even dry that the bill would cost the state millions in annual lost revenue, in addition to making Florida responsible for nearly $1 billion in bonds that must be paid in full before any change in status for the Reedy Creek special district is made. 

Privately, DeSantis is still gloating. “It’s no skin off my knob,” he reportedly told staffers. “It won’t cost me a penny. By the time the bill comes due I’ll be in the White House, and nobody can touch me once I’m in the White House. That’s what makes this country so great!”