The libtard media still doesn’t get it

If you had read The One Minute President back when the country was run by the wife of a guy with mid-life Alzheimer’s, you would have been far better prepared when the nation of miserable fucks (NOMF™) of which you are a dutiful citizen underwhelmingly voted to put an illiterate toxic mango in the White House. 

The Russians didn’t influence the election. The idiot bastard portion of the electorate was simply more motivated to vote for their empty hairdo than the increasingly pathetic rational majority was to vote for the qualified pussy. After eight years of being unable to call a spade a spade, whitey couples too stupid to keep from expectorating racist bullshit on national TV while the liberal media humped each other in stupefied ecstasy finally got a leader that spoke their ugly little minds. And the media loved them for it.

Here’s the Introduction to that extraordinary guidebook to navigating the imaginary world of reprehensible demobcracy.

In early 1984, two American satirists decided to take on the burgeoning One Minute Industry by lampooning the One Minute Method's most regal example: the President of the United States. Their efforts were not widely applauded.

The original manuscript, completed in May, 1984, was rejected by more than two dozen American publishers before being purchased by Stroessner, Schultz, and Rilke (Munich), which, as it turns out, was a CIA front operation.

Manuscript versions of the work have circulated internationally for several years, and the book has garnered laudatory reviews in such forums as Krokodil, La Prensa, Ash Shiraa, and InsideJoke. In fact, The One Minute President is now required reading at several prestigious universities, including American University (Beirut) and Moscow University (Idaho).

YOSSARIAN UNIVERSAL NEWS SERVICE  feels it is time for the American people to have equal opportunity to master the management style the President feels has served him so well.

The One Minute President is not merely the stinging indictment of a system of government and thought so bereft of meaning and morality that even whales beach themselves on our shores to protest it.

No, it is much more than that. While we realize that the ideas and precepts embodied in these pages will never gain as wide an audience as the Pentateuch, we do believe that each and every American can benefit from the concepts that make up the One Minute Philosophy.

Now, more than ever, Americans need such knowledge and guidance to protect them from this awesome truth: Anybody can grow up to be President.

And that means not only you, but also that maniac across the street.

This book is for those who would pursue the Presidential dream.

We are convinced you will enjoy implementing what you learn from the One Minute President and that, as a consequence, you and the people who will vote and die for you will enjoy merrier, less stressful, and more economically feasible lives.

Paul Fericano, Ph.D.
Millbrae, CA

Elio Ligi, D.D., D.D.S
Boring, OR
1986