Onward Shithead Soldiers Marching As To War!

In a video posted to conservative Web site Nutjobs over the weekend, Rep Holden Cawthorn, R-Word, N.C., called on “strong, God-fearing patriots” to saddle up, strap on their peacemakers, and come out of the closet to stand their heavily-armed ground against the godless Democrats “to salvage what little greatness we can from the legacy of the former guy.

“If we bend the knee to the Democrats today, our country will be lost forever to the Socialists and people who care about people and ideas that do not matter to us, and our children will never know the lessons of the past that served us so well. As my father used to say, and his father before him and the one before that, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If it was good enough for Robert E. Lee, it’s good enough for me!”

Cawthorn told his homebound audience to read the Old Testament to understand the history behind “our country’s great Christian family values that have begat us where we are today.”

Twitter users were quick to point out that the Old Testament predates supply-side Christianity — and, as some obnoxious wags might say, is decidedly Jewish — but Cawthorn doubled down, tweeting: “So I was even more right by finding Christ’s teachings even earlier in the fossilized record, like finding a new dinosaur.”

At this point, Nutjobs crashed the entire Internet.

And God said: “It is good.”