“I Am A Proud, Capable, & Competent Conservative Woman,” Anonymous News & Entertainment Casualty Complains

In a stunning development that may wel spell doom for the human species by deflecting our attention, yet again, from the ongoing global extinction event precipitated by America’s oil industry, the no-longer-that-young-formerly-underage-female-vagina-provider with whom soon-to-be former Florida Represetative Matt Gaetz allegedly had a consensual sexual business relationship told a Fox News business influencer today that she is tired of being “painted the villainish victim in liberal America’s witch hunt against some of the best paying customers a young girl could ever hope for. Go bark up somebody else’s pencil skirt, you goddamn antifa pussies!”

We have no idea when or where this happened & have yet to receive lawyerly correspondence demanding that we stop promoting such nonsense, so it must be true!

Granted, this is exactly the kind of information you can get from most financial advisors, but here at the Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge & Laundromat, it’s all FOR FREE!