Spirits Worth $5800 Last Seen In Company Of Mike Pompeo

A bottle of Japanese whiskey worth $5800 alledgedl given to former Secretary of State Mike Pompeo as a bribe in 2019 cannot be accounted for.

Believe it or not, gifts to US officials actually belong to our collective nation of miserable fucks. Such gifts must be turned over to the National Archives or other approved governmental organization unless otherwise authorized for permanent disposal. They can also be purchased for personal use by reimbursing the treasury department for the actual value of the gift at the time it was received. The State Department has been unable to account for the disposition of this particular bottle of whiskey & is determined to get to the bottom of this mystery.

Of course, if someone in the lamestream media had bothered to call the pompeous windbag at the center of this controversy on his unlisted phone number & asked him what happened to that bottle of what looks like Japanese money-laundering, he would probably have told them: “What the fuck do you think happened to it, you sniveling bootlickers? I drank the goddamn thing. By myself. Reading all the shit you assholes write about me. Down in my bunker. All by myself. I drank the whole fucking thing while reading my favorite news feeds. By myself. So send me a bill.”