Memories Formed By Right-Wing Media And Godless Socialized Education

Researchers were stunned to find that more than 75% of all Americans under the age of 20 have no memory of the events of September 11, 2001, the day that was as important to life on Earth as God’s original golf resort, The Gardens At Eden.

“I was astounded by their lacksadaical ignorance of history,” said Dr. Harry Johnson, principal researcher with the Living History Project, sponsored by Reestablishing The Obvious, an NGO committed to illustrating what common sense might look like if everyone wasn’t so preoccupied with looking at their phones.

Here at the Portland Pataphysical Outphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge & Laundromat, we are usually flabbergasted by the kinds of blabber that passes for intelligent conversation in everyday life. Is it any wonder most Americans look to television and social media for validation of their meaningless lives?

It’s not as if knowledge of history will give young people superpowers that will rescue our nation of miserable fucks from the slough of stupidity it’s been wallowing in since the earliest days of our occupation of this continent, in preparation for the day when the world finally runs out of cheap pork.