National Archives Refers Matter To Justice Department

Having largely remained silent on shocking reports that former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & rejected prototype Boy From Brazil, Dimwit Donald J. Turdwaffle had relocated several truckloads of classsfied documents, historical artifacts, paintings, sculptures, furniture, snacks & silverware from the White House to his mob headquarters at Mar-a-Lago, the GOP sprang into action minutes after Independent Prostitutor John “Bull Shit Floats” Durham (R-Word, at large) recommended indicting a relative of someone who lived down the street from a young Democrat who once interned with Hillary Clinton for intent to jaywalk on private property soon to be liberated through imminent domain.

“Is anyone surprised,” Fucked News star developmentally-disabled sphincter Tucker “Freedumb Trucker” Carlson, “at the timing of these scandals? It’s been more than a year since unruly antifa rioters drove America’s favorite president from the White House. Where did all these documents and objects hide all this time?”

Carlsen then asked his viewers if they had heard the rumor about Hillary Clinton spying on Turdwaffle, even after his landslide 2016 by virtual acclamation, and if anyone should be surprised by all this.

“But this will all come out as the Durham investigation unleashes a Kraken of evidence,” Carlsen concluded, “ hat Hillary Rodman Clinton was behind every disastrous decision made during the last great administration, from those disastrous Democrat tax cuts to their bizarre attempt to blame their immigration failures on Melania. You heard it here first!”