Sen Susan Vodka Collins (R-Word, ME) Expresses Disappointment

After word leaked that the Supreme Court had already drafted an opinion overturning Roe v Wade for violating the 10th amendment during Brett Boofer Kavanaugh’s contentious confirmation hearings, Maine’s most embarrassing Senator insisted that former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and a man perfectly willing to flatter her by grabbing her pussy, Dimwit Grabito Pussolini had assured her his nominees would “not revisit settled law.”

Collins said that she would have to review her notes, e-mail, texts, and prior commitments before commenting further, stressing that she wants to be certain that Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, and Barrett had promised not to overturn Roe v Wade or that she had somehow confused “settled” with “cornholed,” which is what the rumored ruling appears to do to a woman’s right to control her own body.

Collins also thanked her constituents for reelecting her in 2020, saying the vote proves that she has always been right and will always be right, which is what lets her sleep soundly at night.