Says Godless Liberals Should Go Back To Africa

Speaking at the Kornerstone Kristian Kongregation in Bumfuck, CO, on Sunday, Rep. Lorena Boebert (R-Word, CO) said God had lubed former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & Ahriman’s favorite nephew, Donaldo Grabito Pussolini to “save our great country’s little babies from the liberal Herods of abortion. In five years we’ll look back and see so many smiling little faces of future Republican voters wearing their tiny MAGA hats, who would have been harvested for pet food by the liberals like the 63 million others since 1973.”

Fact check: We have been unable to confirm that all 63 million abortions went to make pet food, but that doesn’t mean some very fine people won’t believe it’s true.

Boebert has often claimed that if it weren’t for her faith in God and His faith in her ability to defend the Second Amendment while helping helpless fetuses to stand their ground, she wouldn’t be leading this country out of the wilderness and into the promised land where we will all live in shining cities on top of hills as the waters rises and wipe out the unclean.

“I’d probably still be a hooker if it wasn’t for Pussolini,” Boebert told throng, who had been promised Happy Meals at the conclusion of the sermon.

“Look at all the great things Mr. Pussolini and I have done for this country, and I’m still only a freshman!” Boebert told a wildly applauding crowd of parishioners who fired their God-given weapons in the air, causing several tens of thousands dollars in damages to the church’s roof.

“I don’t know about you,” Boebert told the happy campers, “but I’m pretty sick of all this separation of church and state bull honky — That’s not in the Constitution. It was in a stinking letter that means nothing like they say it does and the liberals keep whining about. God is my Commander in Chief, so what He says goes. It’s the church’s job to direct the government, as God intended.”

“Once our favorite president is reinstated,” Boebert concluded, “And I say the sooner the better. Then we can get back to establilshing God’s great kingdom here in our Christian United of States of True Believers!”