Why Would Anyone Grab My Wife’s Panties?

Former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and kind of president you might want to bring along to a ritual sacrifice, Donaldo Grabito Pussolini reacted predictably to the release of a heavily redacted affadavit that convinced a judge appointed by Pussolini himself to grant a warrant to search his Mar A Lago money-laudering operation.

“Can you believe this?” Pussolini posted to his struggling Truth Social personal propaganda platform, “This whole thing is a Witch Hunt based on heresy. You can’t build a case on heresy. That’s right there in the Ten Commandments of the Constitution.”

Pussolini has increasingly been himself in recent weeks as the mainstream media has slowly begun extracting its head from his rectum or its lip from his tiny enoki mushroom of a penis.

If you’ve read this far, take a shower.