Our Great Heritage Is The Red Tie That Binds Us All, Volume 2, Chapter 33, Verse 25

We are descended from the heroes and the patriots of old who liked Diet Coke poured from the can into a cold glass instead of tea & didn’t appreciate being told what to do with their money, the pioneers and the legends who tamed the great wilderness & rid us of the savages who killed all the buffalo & our great elephants, mastocons, whatever, the symbol of our great party, who settled this vast continent and who laid down the railroads, & built the airports, plied the oceans, raised up the skyscrapers, and poured out their blood, sweat, and tears to build this country into the greatest thing like you wouldn’t believe.