ALL THE NEWS TO GIVE YOU FITS
By Larry Nada,
Outdoor Writer
Pataphysical Mythic Sacrament
April 20, 2004
Jerusalem (PMS) - Prime Minister Ariel Sharon pledged Tuesday that recently liberalized rules governing bag limits on Palestinians assure that Israeli snipers and helicopter pilots will continue their ritual hunts, despite a shortage of Nazis, following last year's expanded season in Paraguay. According to a report issued yesterday by the World Wildlife Federation, wild Paraguayan Nazis will become extinct by 2005, while hatchery returns have been woeful. A captive breeding program in Atlanta, Georgia, is also considered a failure, the result of an outbreak of queer eye disease which caused officials there to destroy the brood stock and shut down the facility.
"We will not let up on the evil ones in Palestine. We never let up on the evil ones from Germany, and we managed to kill many of them before they died, and we will hunt down and kill the evil ones among us before they die, because we have plenty of bullets and plenty of time. We got rid of murderer number one and murderer number two and it isn't over, and the list is not short," said the portly humanitarian in a speech before the Sportsman's Hillel Israel Team.
Upset over Israel's butchering of Hamas leader Abdel-Aziz al-Rantissi Saturday and its missile attack on spiritual leader Ahmed Yassin on March 22, free-range Palestinians fired rockets and mortars at Jewish settlements and an Israeli town. No one knows when the wild Palestinians developed technology and mastered the arts of war, but they have grown increasingly Davidian in their attacks against the Goliath of Israel.
