What’s Wrong With Grabbing Pussy? Former Führer Fumes
Stopping short of rescinding his complete and total endorsement of Rep. Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn (R-Word, NC), former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator Dimwit Donald Grabito Pussolini called for the Justice Department to prosecute whoever leaked the video of the freshman congressman rubbing his junk on the face of one of his fraternity brothers, who also happened to be his first cousin.
Pussolini declined comment on the content of the video, noting that “he who grabs a lot of pussy should not cast the first stone, as Jesus wrong in The Bible. Ashli said he was joking, he was being crass and making fun of the fairy boys with his friends, and I believe him.”
Taking time from a busy morning of online fund-raising to cover his fines for civil contempt in New York, America’s favorite president of the proudly uneducated was regaling his private press corp after his “massive” victory in Ohio on Tuesday.
“Thirty-two percent!” Pussolini marveled. “Who else gets those kinds of numbers? It was a landslide like you wouldn’t believe. Nobody ever gets numbers like that in Ohio since Blago. I still know how to pick them, and J.R. Ewing is the right man for the job of saving America. The majority is not so silent anymore!”
The blithering bombast was actually referring to the Repugnicunt primary race where he endorsed J. D. Vance, author of The Hillbilly Elegy, in exchange for the writer’s support for Pussolini’s immediate reinstatement as Prersident, with complete restoration of his executive privilege and lifetime immunity from prosecution.
Repugnicunts reacted to the news by silently farting their disapproval while publicly applauding Pussolini’s willingness to support the underserved Nazi segment of our supply-side plantation economy.
