More Than 3 Million Democrats Over 150 Years Old Also Voted

Everyone’s favorite used pillow salesman, Mike Lindell today revealed that his crack team of election fraudbusters have uncovered widespread use of zombie voters by Democrats in the 2020 election, particularly in the swing states “where most of the rigging to steal the election from the real president occurred.”

Lindell began his career as a child spokesman for Alternative Life Cereal, whose marketing slogan was “Give it to Mikey. He’ll eat anything,” which Official Life Cereal later changed to “Give it to Mikey, he won’t eat it, he hates everything” & the rest is history. Mike moved on to stuffing pieces of PCB-contaminated foam into pillow cases and Mr. Pillow was born.

The 850 year old Democrat Lindell’s group uncovered belonged to a tribe of early Democrats who participated in the Second Crusade and was severely wounded during the siege of Damascus, before returning to his home in the suburbs of Eau Claire, Wisconsin where he runs Rueben G. Spaut & Sons, a Democrat stink tank committed to sewage reclamation.