I Was Just Trying To Send Mitch A Message Liberal Diety Explains

God told listeners on WHOP this morning that “things got a little out of hand” when He had way too much to drink before unleashing His therapeutic whirlwinds upon western Kentucky last night “to put some good old-fashioned fear of You-Know-Who into that old fat Chinese-collaborator fuck,” apparently in reference to former Senate minority leader, Mitch McConnell, who God is still pissed off with because Mitch failed to stop the steal in 2020.

“How Mitch could let the godless liberals steal the election from My Own chosen greatest twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator of all time,” God fumed, fire and brimstone squirting from his nostrils, “is beyond Me. My apologies to all those unfortuante enough to bear the brunt of My well-deserved displeasure, but you elected this prick. You are not without blame. Hence your stones.”

McConnell, who is rumored to be vacationing in Cancun, Mexico, while awaiting the former president’s reinstatement, could not be reached for comment due to poor cellular service.