“Gun Culture” Climbs To Top Of Greatest Oxymorons List

The panel offered no explanation for why “American Democracy” has been replaced by a favorite NRA & GOP talking point in opposition to ending the mass shootings that have kept citizens of the nation’s #SupplySide #PlantationEconomy working diligently to repay Ronld Reagan for the shining city on the hill he transformed the US into after 4 years of Jimmy Carter’s era of malignant malaise, simply by releasing annual reports of his colonoscopy, which revealed all his polyps were, in fact, benign.

“America is our solar system’s greatest source of oxymoronic sayings,” said one attractive source, smelling of Guinness, who spoke on condition of anonymity, because she was not authorized to speak for Earth’s governing body of planetary excellence in communications, “so it is only fitting that the country that gave us Silly Putty, Pet Rocks, & Ronald Reagan would continue to lead the way in the invention of new & increasingly fantastical ways of obfuscating reality.

America also maintained the top spot for genocidal euphemisms with “Manifest Destiny,” a term that resurfaced with renewed vigor during the ruinous reign of Donald Trump.