Bloodclot Victims Were All Lottery Winners

Following a ten-day pause in administering the  Johnson & Johnson COVID vaccine, the United States Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) determined that vaccinations with the company’s  single-shot vaccine will resume for all adults aged 18 years and older in the U.S., under an Emergency Use Authorization (EUA) granted prior to Donald Trump’s failed January 6th insurrection.

The decision was based on a recommendation from the U.S. CDC Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices (ACIP) which found no definitive link between the vaccine and the occurrence of extremely rare blood clots in tandem with dangerously low platelet counts in less than a dozen women between 25-51 out of more than 8 million recipients of the J&J vaccine. In its 40 page report, ACIP found it was more likely that the victims were allergic to the ink on electronically printed lottery tickets.

“We recommend that most women consider avoid playing lottery games for 14 days prior to their vaccine appointment. There is no reason to take unneccesary chances while COVID-19 remains an active existential threat to all humans, including Americans,” said one unnamed source close to her sources.