Proud Boys Blame Rising Water On Sudden Collapse Of Liberal Snowflake Ice Shelf Near Powell’s Books

As the death toll continues to rise in the Pacific Northwest from liberal-induced climate change, the region awoke to new danger as tens of thousands of liberal snowflakes in the West Hills, Alameda, & Powell Butte areas suddenly spontaneously combusted in the record heat, rendering 60% of their body weight into water, as if bursting from balloons tossed from overpasses onto passing vehicles. This water unleashed tsunamis of mud from the hillsides, burying parts of the city under a 3 foot slurry of debris.

Local Proud Boy spokesturd Jimmy Joe Bob Bigguns called the unfolding catastrophe “a fitting end to Little Beirut. We’re just gonna sit here in East county until the snowflake flood water recedes, & then we’ll proceed to clean up the remnants of antifa resistance.”

“Little Beirut” is the GOP's pet name bestowed on this weird little port city on the Columbia River by former president George W. Bush, whose chief accomplishment during 8 years in office was having nicknamed nearly every human, animal, mineral, plant, or infectious agent that he encountered while at least semi-conscious.

You can call me Doc.