QAnon Write-In Campaign Beats All Antifa Candidates

“This is my first step to becoming Speaker of the House in 2023,” America’s favorite Killer Klown announced in a spam e-mail this morning to his alleged 400 million Russian GOP voters, despite official tallies that have yet to reveal a single vote for his hind ass in New York’s newly-adopted ranked-voting system.

Sources close to Turdwaffle suggest that despite his impending reinstatement as President in August, the most impeached world leader in history is leaving nothing to chance & he’s even made a deal with Florida’s Governor to replace Matt Gaetz during the sentencing phase of Matt's inevitable trial for child sex trafficking  “It’s a shame about Matt, but sometimes you just have to take one in the shorts for our Fearless Leader.”

Asked if the former unidicted coconspirator is perhaps overextending himself, the source laughed heartily & said: “Shit floats.”