Executive Order Stops Short Of Adding NRA To Terror Watch List

“Enough is enough!” says beleaguered Democrat governor under attack from Proud Boys, Nazis, the Capitalist media, & murderous Repugnicunts.

Randy Andy Cuomo, as the nimrod press prefers to call him, promises to get to root of the gun violence problem by signing a disaster emergency declaration that will let the one-time idyllic Empire state address the growing gut piles fouling its streets & highways, but stops short of taxing the shit out of bullets, which everyone knows do the real damage when gun violence erupts from the average America First patriot expressing his family values.

Unlike Repugnicunt proposals, Cuomo’s action does at least address the underlying cause of gun violence & related deaths in our nation of miserable fucks: all the motherfucking guns, which the NRA considers the solution to the problem, rather than its root cause.

A spokesgunnut for NRA president in hiding Wayne “Pussywhippeder” LaPierre claims Cuomo’s approach will be stuck down by the Repugnicunt Supreme Court, “because it would cripple our economy. This nation was built on violence & gun-running. Without guns, we’ll be reduced to fast food & ephemeral services. You know the last empire built on fast food & ephermeral services? No? Well, that’s good. Because there's never been one!”

Repugnicunts were quick to dismiss Cuomo’s  7 point plan which they claim will do little to stop good guys from guns from turning into mass suicides & offered their own 7 point plan to ensure every American will be prepared to confront an armed friend, enemy, family member, or acquaintance & live to explain the details to the supply side media & perhaps make a little extra cash in the bargain:

1. Treat gun violence like the public relations emergency it is;
2. Arm fetuses during the first trimester to ensure they can resist an unwanted abortion;
3. Question the politics of data and science;
4. Provide body armor to at-risk youth;
5. Break the cycle of escalating violence by killing all the bad guys;
6. Allow cash gun purchases at liquor stores & bars;
7.  Keep guns out of the hands of antifa, Black Lives Matter, & Democrats.

According to the NRA’s latest press release, “Our new strategy treats gun violence as a blessed inconvenience & the cost of doing business in America. Without guns, Americans would not be able to defend themselves from terrorists or put food on their tables. Immigrants would swarm the borders & demand free stuff that Americans sometimes work their entire lives for without ever getting out of debt. Nobody wants that. Guns keep us free.”