“People Listen To Me,” Bloviating Bombast Bellows

Continuing the rant he began at the recent “Rally To Protect Our Elections” in Phoenix, former twice-impeached failed-führer & unDonald J. Turdwaffle held forth at a nearby Kentucky Fried Chicen to encourage his supporters to take the COVID vaccine. Supporters were still reeling from his earlier announcement that the Cyber Ninja audit had found more than 12 million votes missing from various swing states that prove he won the 2020 election,

“Is there anyone here who still hasn’t got the shot? Get the shot. I always said to get the shot. Without the shot — which I developed, by the way — that was my idea - Operation Warp Speed. I came up with that after I created the Space Force. So I figured why not use the warp-speed hyper-drives from my Space Force to cook up these great shots that could save so many people from death & suffering from the coronavirus hoax, but what do you know? The liberals, antifa, and BLM sabotaged everything & hogged all the good shots for themselves, & spreading fake news to keep you from getting the shots, which I warned everyone way back at the beginning during the summer of 2019. that we needed to protect our voters. Remember when the liberals tried to make you take the hydroxycortisans? And then they said it was me.

“I want everyone who believes we won that election & had it stolen to go get the shot. In some places, you can even win an AR15 just for taking a shot to make sure you can vote in the midterms to put more great patriots into the House & Senate to help our agenda after I’m reinstated next month.”

While the audience applauded widely, the unindicated co-conspirator continued to list his accomplishments & grievances, even claiming that his second Nobel Prize got lost in the mail because “of all the illegal mail-in ballots from the rigged election,” & that “Sleepy Joe, he’s so slow, he doesn’t know what’s going on half the time. Everyone says he’s mentally unstable, & you don’t have to take my word for it, because everyone says Sleepy Joe really screwed up this pandemic, maybe even intentionally. 

“Do you think there would be almost a million dead patriots if the election hadn’t been rigged? We need to fight all this fake news & take back our great country from the do-nothing Democrats.”