Joining Trump 2024 Campaign As Sensitivity Czar

Governor Andrew Cuomo gave New Yorkers his two-week notice today, saying he’s been offered a “challenging hands-on position” with the Turdwaffle administration in exile that “I cannot in good faith refuse. Given my circumstances, the best way I can help anyone right now is if I change parties & join the loyal opposition to the people who I’ve worked for, doing the right thing, for my entire life. It is what it is. Thank you for letting me embrace your values. It has been the honor of a lifetime of selfless public service. God bless you. Even if you didn’t sneeze.”

When contacted at his Bedminister Golf Resort & Bordello, former twice-impeached & unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle, expressed surprise that he’s hired Cuomo, suggesting maybe Jared was responsible.

“That’s news to me,” the rotund insurrectionist told a gaggle of alt-reich reporters from Fox & OANN. “You’re telling me Handy Randy Andy doesn’t have the cujones to stand up to a few woke females who don’t respect the office of the governor of New York enough to let him grab a little pussy? What makes you think there’s a place in my cabinet for such a disaster? This sounds like more shit from that damned kike son-in-law of mine. Sometimes I don’t know why I need all these people to get me coffee.”