“To The Victor Go The Spoils” Rafshan Hashemi bin Khesi Tells Press Corpses

In a continuation of the charm offensive that has won over 85% of the Afghani people without much more than whimper, the new government in Kabul has pledged to remake itself in the image of the last stone-age nation to defeat the United States with pea shooters & improvised explosive devices, the Socialist Republic of Vietnam.

In fact, much of the Repugnicunt obsession with insisting that the US will never become a socialist nation comes from how badly the Vietnamese socialists kicked their asses, even with Slippery Dick Nixon & Spiro Agnew running our nation of miserable fucks.

In keeping with the spirit of the rational exuberance displayed by the Taliban victors, Mullah Longbottom has already renamed Kabul’s airport from Hamid Karzai Regional to Osama bin Laden International trademarked the motto: “Build Back Better.” He also announced that the new Socialist Islamic Emirate has already designated the Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka as its spirit animal.

“Already we’ve been approached by Facebook, Twitter, & others, who have expressed much interest in adding us to their lists of influencers,” said an unnamed source close to an unidentified Taliban events coordinator, “but Allah believes our demographic  skews radically more toward Tik Tok & Instagram.”

After defeating the US in the 1970s, North Vietnam quickly embraced suppy-side plantation economics & began competing directly with the US in the development of malware & white hat software designed to counteract it. This profitable symbiosis persists to this day.

Someday, in the not so distant future, the same may be said for Afghanistan.