“Where Did They Get These Guys?” Former Guy Asks Rally Crowd

America’s favorite twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle cried foul last night after results of the forensic audit of Arizona ballots saw Biden’s lead in the state grow by nearly 400 votes.

“Where were all my votes?” the failed fat führer asked an uneducated and ill-informed crowd at the Nuremburg National Fairgrounds in Perry, Georgia. “They were supposed to be finding my votes. Thats what we paid them for. What about the results that showed I won? But why is anyone surprised? If they can rig an election, what’s to keep them from rigging the audits?”

Turdwaffle was in Georgia to promote a slate of wannabe Post-Apocalyptic Nazis who pledge to make Georgia great again so when their feckless leader is finally reinstated he will have armies of supporters in the key swing states ready to snatch victory from any vote-based defeat.

Critics have suggested these rallies are a sign of the old man’s alarming cognitive decline. In fact, some insist when the failed financier is not reading from a teleprompter his vocabulary consists of five words, one of which is actually an abbreviation: person, woman, man, camera, TV.