Taliban Nows Outgun Americans 27 To 1

Former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and failed insurrectionist Donald J. Turdwaffle dropped by Greg Gutterball’s hit Fox News late night alternative tragedy show Gutpile on Wednesday to blame president Biden for not returning phone calls from important foreign leaders while “palling around with liberals, thugs, rapists, and enemies of the people who helped steal our election in November while I was working so hard on the China virus cures. Ivermectin. That was my idea. Not as great as Space Force, but it’s not too bad. 

“Biden is a complete and total disaster,” the portly former leader of our nation of miserable fucks continued, "He’s an embarrassment. Foreign people laugh at him. They never laughed at me. You saw what happened to anyone who laughed at me. They knew what was good for them. When I was in charge, foreign people wanted to be our friends. Duterte, Bolsonaro, Kim, MBS, they’ve all been calling me. ’Sir, why won’t Sleepy Joe return our calls?'”

Turdwaffle brought his A-game to his Gutpile appearance, falling just shy of the galactic record for most outright lies by a head of state in a Fox News segment of less than 46 minutes with 139 verified lies, 61 misstatements of fact, 15 debunked Repugnicunt talking points, and 49 incoherent deflections. Early surveys of pundits who saw it have garnered mixed reviews.

 Mike Pompeo lauded Turdwaffle’s performance, calling it “a master class in how to demonstrate Earth’s rotation.” 

Turdwaffle now holds 4 of the top 5 most lies, leaving Ronald Reagan with only 6 of the top ten spots he held as recently as 2016. Michael Cohen, the former bad precedent’s personal lawyer, said: “Pitiful. We just witnessed somebody’s nightmare grandpa yelling back at the crazy people in their living rooms screaming at the TV.”