Donald J. Turdwaffle Jr & Ivanka Claim Political & Religious Persecution By Prosecutor

As New York Attorney General Letitia “La Bron” James continues to widen her investigation into fraud by the former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator’s family & businesses, Turdwaffle’s adult children are pushing back against subpoenas & requests for depositions.

“You don’t subpoena a Turdwaffle,” Donald Jr. told Fox & Friends this morning. “That just isn’t done. It’s so gaucho. And nobody deposes a Turdwaffle. That’s in the Constitution, & if it isn’t, it should be.”

Ivanka’s legal team issued a statement saying the former first incestial squeeze hardly knows her father. She vaguely recalls feeling uncomfortable sitting on his lap. “He was always so prickly. I thought it was best to get married.”

Since leaving the White House, Donald Jr, Ivanka, and Eric have founded a non-profit healthcare organization called Adult Children Of Assholes Who Are All Right With It. They claim fund-raising is going well.