I’d Like To Help But My Lawyers Tell Me I Signed An NDA

“I’m such a ditz,” the former first daughter told the clearly biased Democrat terrorists conducting the complete & totally partisan investigation into unsubstantiated claims that her father had intimate knowledge of plans to foment the failed insurrection that left hundreds injured and several dead on January 6, 2021.

“I know I should pay more attention before signing documents,” Ivanka cooed, “but there are so many of them. I’d need a full-time staff to pay attention for me, And who’s going to pay for that, now that I no longer have my executive privileges or a White House America First expense account?”

Ivanka did leave the door open that once her father is reinstated “with all the divine rights, higher powers, & white privileges afforded to one of noble birth in such an exalted position,” she might be willing to reconsider the groundling chamber’s request in the unlikely event that Democrats hold onto any power after the 2022 mid-term elections.