Tucker Carlsen Asks Former Turdwaffle Under-Assistant President For Vice If He Has Any Regrets About His Role In January 6 Celebrations Where He Was Slated To Be Hanged As Effigy

Speaking from a hen house in a universe far, far away from the ordinary reality most sentient beings prefer to live in, Fox Turdwaffle promoter & one of Ronald Reagan’s favorite surviving benign polyps, Tucker Carlsen, savaged former Vice Presidential homophobe, Mikey “He’ll Eat Anything” Pence (R-Word, IN), for the better part of the fifteen minutes Andy Warhol had promised him as part of a previous plea deal, blaming the “Mother’s Boy” for everything from critical racist theories, systemic white genocide, the ongoing COVID-19 epidemic, Democrat-induced climate change, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez & black oppression to the growing appreciation among old-guard Republicans of Adam McKay’s apocalyptic Netflix hit, “Don’t Look Up.”

Through it all, Pence sat stone-faced in his Zoom window, seeming to concentrate on suppressing a fart that would ultimately result in the eruption of the Mother Of All Volcanoes near the Pacific island of Tonga.

Finally, when Carlsen asked Pence if there was one thing he regretted from his life in public corruption, the white-haired Christian elephant prick brought up one of the thousands of famous quotes attributed to George H. W. Bush’s Ignoble Prize-winning vice president, Dan Quayle, who said: “One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president  and that one word is ‘to be prepared.’’

“Excuse me?” Carlsen whined, “Exactly what do you regret, traitor, if I may call you that?”

“I was there, Tucker. I heard the whole thing. I should have corrected Dan at the time. That’s what friends do, and Dan and I were close friends, like this,” Pence said, twiddling the index finger of his right hand through an OK sign in his left hand, “but no one in the corrupt media had the courage and self-righteousness to correct Dan's horrible agreement error. ‘To be prepared,” is not one word. It’s three words, Tucker, a trinity of words. Obviously, Dan had meant to say: “that one word is ‘potatoe.’”