Promises Pardons For All On MAGA Martyr Day*

Former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & Pullputzer Award-winning author of The Epic of KuklaM*A*S*H, Donald J. Turdwaffle, has doubled down on his intention to make January 6 a national holiday & day of remembrance for his fallen followers by inviting “all the great majority of millions of voters who still want me reinstated & overturn the 2020 rigged election” to Mar-a-Lago for a Reinstatement Rally, where he will unveil his design for “a great statute to replace the one of our great heritage leader Robert E. Lee which was destroyed by antifa in Virginia.”

*Offer good upon complete & total exoneration of America’s favorite führer from any & all bogus Democrat charges against him in perpeptuity & reinstatement to his rightful place in the oval orifice. Other terms & conditions may apply. Void where prohibited.