We’re Still Invesitigating The Fat Son Of A Bitch For Insurrection, State Department Tells Lavrov

Ever since losing the 2020 election in a popular vote landslide to Sleepy Joe Biden & The Rule Of Law, America’s favorite former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & adult diaper model has been scrambling to find ways to reinstate the kind of carte blanche he enjoyed while spreading COVID, wrecking the economy, bathing in emoluments, & promoting white supremacy from the White House.

Now it appears that the former president had cut a deal with his Russian hero Vlad “The Impudent” Putin that would have ousted the Democrat-supported government of Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy & replaced it with Donald J. Turdwaffle and his Kraken Kabinet, who were apprehended on the tarmac at Dover Air Force base yesterday while attempting to commandeer Air Force One.

The plot might have succeeded if two interns in the Biden administration who are paid to watch Fox Spews 24 hours a day in alternating shifts hadn’t heard the plot spelled out by the former president himself during a phone call to Tucker Carlsen.