It’s No Biggie Twice-Impeached Unindicted Co-Conspirator Insists

As tensions between the US, NATO, Vlad “The Impudent” Putin, and Taco Bell intensified in recent days, former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and white stupremacist rabble-rouser Donald J. Turdwaffle saw another opportunity to talk about American Carnage and how it will not be allowed to stand, except if used to reinstate him to his rightful place in the White House.

“There’s a reason they call it the White House,” Turdwaffle smirked, quoting the tagline from his latest marketing campaign to capitalize on his fifteen minutes of insurrection fame.

“I’m an expert on Ukraine,” Turdwaffle crowed. “I invented Ukraine. I put them on the map with a perfect phone call. It was the greatest phone in all of western civilization, including Atkins, Greece, and Rome, known for its great tomatoes.  Nobody knows more Ukraine, except maybe Hunter Biden.”