Crackers Decry Cancel Culture As Alleged Black Bitch Dons A Decidedly Non-Klan Robe

The thing I’m most looking forward to in the next eight years is the thrilling conclusion to the current season of Very Fine People Civilization, which will stream live around the globe no matter how your weather is accessed. You can cancel all your streaming services and still not miss a beat.

Do you realize how old I am? I am so fucking old, I can remember buying dots by the foot at Bloise’s Market. The brantosaurus was still a real thing back then. Nazis were bad. You didn’t hang around with them or elect them to Congress.

I wore dog tags to elementary school in case the Russian bombed us and the insurance company needed to verify my parents’ loss before cutting them a check. That assumed, of course, that duck and cover was effective enough to leave some identifiable remains.

You very fine people don’t even make decent fertilizer. Too much microplastic. Damn you, Benjamin Braddock!

I’ve been laughing so long and so hard at the imaginary problems our imaginary culture has convinced the average uneducated American racist in our ignorant nation of miserable fucks are real, that I’ve forgotten how to enjoy myself without blowing shit up or firing several prolonged bursts at old growth trees. 

I told you so,

I told you so,

I will continue to tell you so and point out that I’ve been telling you so since 1941, because I was precocious. I’m surprised I survived the fourth trimester.

What the fuck else do you assholes expect from me?

If you think having a black woman on SCOTUS cancels out thousands of years of white supremacy, welcome to Trumpworld, assholes. Can we pretend it’s the Oscars and I slap you for non-stop #AmericanCarnage against the alternatively disabled and willingly bald? 

None of you have yet to convince me that the sanest course of action for preserving the cosmic order God imposed upon the multiverse before He choked on a truckload of chulapas on His own patio, given the preponderance of assholes in power or hoping one day to be in power on the planet, despite our best efforts to off ourselves during the pandumbic, is bringing on the bomb.

BRING ON THE BOMBS!

There. Is that really so hard to appreciate? There are no politics involved in this plea. It’s what mankind has been investing in for more than half a century. Imagine if a fraction of that money had been used to help people instead of terrorizing them.

The projected results of bringing on the bomb today are as clear and measurable as when I first proposed the idea before Old Rummy Reagan was assassinated and replaced by a surgically modified porpoise.

What else are those “Your Taxpayer Dollars At Work” signs attempting to extol?

I’m looking for solutions, not Bandaids™.

And don’t give me any more of that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it corporate horse shit. 

Not that any of this matters. Matter is just the least informative form of energy.

Ask God if you don’t believe me.

If He’s not available, leave Him a message.