We’ve Heard The Concerns For Parental Rights After Uvalde

The liberal mainstream right-wing media is trying to avoid investigating reports of multiple shootings of unarmed persons of undetermined gender who happened to be within bullet-piercing range of a public education setting by police or private security details in the past week.

In each case, police spokesturds have chalked up the kill to a prevented school massacre, although school has been out on the campuses where these killings took place for days before the shootings. There were no staff, teachers, or children present.

Editorial boards across the country met on Zoom to decide how to bury these instances of the easily predicted consequences of hiring trained killers to guard the nations’ school without appearing to be callous.

They decided to devote their time and energy to avoid mentioning that gasoline prices are currently at the lowest price they are ever going to be, if we ever hope to get climate change under control and delay our current extinction event, among the other critical stories that won’t earn them the big bucks.

We here at the Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge, and Laundromat are not content with imagining a better world, we are always striving to imagine even worse ones, because, as the New York Times has always reminded us: “If it bleeds, it leads.”

#TheTerribleSwiftianSword