It’s In One Of Turdwaffle’s #AmericaFirst Executive Orders

As the yellow journalists continue to predict “a complete and total bloodbath” for the Democrats in the November late-term elections, Tik Tok Teens have responded by promising to make the 2022 exercise in civic futility one that few of these dumbfuck white fossil-fuel addicted dinosaurs will have time to forget. 

Our current global extinction overdrive event promises to kick in 2028, considering the recent demand for cheaper fossil fuels that are driving our current global extinction event.

We never attempted to contact Tik Tok Teens Headquarters in Tulsa, OK, because we have no agenda, but their e-mail was unlisted, so piss up somebody else’s rope.

We tried to check the local Yellow Pages, but printed directories of useful information were recently declared extinct by Elon Musk, who is currently trying to perfect a social media platform where you can smell Rudy Giuliani’s actual farts as he testifies under oafs, piled thirty feet high.

We’re not a serious news organization. We’re just a mirror reflecting your idiocy back at you. We’ve never been serious about anything.

We originally attempted suicide during our fourth trimester inside dead old mom, so I admit my continued existence obviously proves my inability to focus my attention on eliminating the number one problem plaguing our current binary existence: uppity assholes who dispute binary existence.

In fact, pataphysicians dispute any and all claims that there has been any actual news in the last 5,000 years that hasn’t been buried, distorted, or exploited to keep the preferred cancers upon the body politic in charge of controlling the over-arching narrative of our nation of miserable fucks on a planet of miserable fucks that periodically rids itself of parasites in decidedly brutal fashion.

Anyone with half a brain tied behind his tanned testicles knows that the current state we’re in falls entirely on the sloped shoulders of hard-working voters who have lent an air of respectability and authority to the gaggle of Nazi Kochsuckers who run this piece of shit freedumbocray by continuing to vote, despite the absence of actual human beings on the ballot for either party less than half the time during the past half century.

Sorry, that’s just fact, people. What you believe doesn’t mean shit to the universe & even less to me.

This nation of miserable fucks draws its legitimacy from voters being too stupid to refuse to legitimize it. Yeah, I know. You call  it your civic duty. Fucking assholes.

There is nothing noble on this planet that was not already buried millions of years ago under tons of rubble created to please the nobles.

Fuck Critical Race Theory. It’s just the latest distraction the burgeoning Nazi population has added to the “conversation” to prevent us from instituting the kind of Nazi population control our South and Central American neighbors chose to pursue back when Reagan and Ollie were traded arms for hostage to protect our Pinochet International Reserve.

I find pataphysics best explains this steaming pile of shit we were born to contribute to.

Fuck freedom of speech. That’s for pussies, not cave painters. I have no interest in talking to idiots. That’s why I paint caves. I have nothing to teach anyone alive on this planet today.

So when any of you assholes find work that doesn’t involve killing and maiming, send your comments to Desolation Row.

#IToldYouSo

Oh, BTW, I’m sure I’m one of the fake members Twitter claims are users despite having temporarily or permanently suspended us for being too damned uppity & counting our censored accounts among their slathering intelligensia for the purposes of unloading this Nazi-endorsed product on Elon Musk.

So Elon:

Fuck your nose with a rubber hose. 

Dr. Faustroll, Commander In Chief Of Cassiopeia Charlie’s Suicide Commandos!