Foreign Governments Are Refusing To Return Secret Stuff He Sold Them Without Reimbursement

“We paid top dollar for those secrets,” says attorney for Russian document collector, who alleged his client did not even get all the secrets he’d been promised during negotiations at Trump Tower.

Meanwhile, sources close to former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & the kind of craigslist seller most law-abiding people avoid, Donald Grabito Pussolini is denying reports that the FBI raid in August had uncovered evidence that Pussolini had approached Russian diplomats to offer him and his family asylum in St. Petersburg in exchange for the final plans for the as yet to be delivered Air Force One.

“Those plans were part of my personal presidential papers ,” Pussolini allegedly whined, “and the broke into my home and stole them, along with my passport collection, and Melania underwear drawer. This was a complete and total breakdown of democracy!”