Court Filing Reveals Imaginary Assets

Former Turdwaffle attorney of cole slaw Sydney Greenstreak Bowell claims that “even if an illegal judge & jury were to find me liable for the full amount of the Old Dominion voter fraud machine's ridiculous 2 billion dollar claim, I have that much lying around the house behind the sofa cushions.”

In a recent filing to have her court-ordered monitoring buttplug removed so she can relieve herself, Bowell claims to own nearly all of the country’s national monuments, including Mt. Rushmore; is the sole owner of North American rights to gravity; is a 30% stakeholder in the Mar A Lago and Doral Golf Resort in Florida, & she knows where all the bodies are buried.

Perhaps the most bizarre claim in Bowell’s latest data dump to the court was a previously undisclosed a $3 trillion copyright infringement suit she filed on behalf of the band Sugar Ray, without their knowledge, that alleges Billy J. Kramer & The Dakotas used a time machine to steal the rock band’s “Someday” from their album “14:59”  (shown above) & earned their 15 minutes of fame by recording a slightly modified version as “Do You Want To Know A Secret” (shown below), which they sold to McCartney & Lennon, who repackaged it as a song by Lennon & McCartney on The Beatles’ first studio album, which was released as “Please Please Me.”

Billy J. Kramer & The Dakotas were an edgy all-pedophile back when politicians were not allowed to openly traffic minors for sex. Their biggest hits was “Little Children.” The Beatles went on to come one of the greatest rock & rock bands of all time, behind John Trubee & The Ugly Janitors, making centillions worldwide by time-traveling to steal hits from the future & sell them in the past.

Bowell’s estimates her fee when the case successfully concludes “in any rational court” will be 30% of the largest civil judgement in the history of tort claims & may even exceed 21 figures.

Although we consider Ms Bowell to be absolutely Hunan batshit rawdogged crayfish with a spritz of demon spawn, we must admit there are many similarities between the two songs (listen for yourself),

Don’t forget that The Chiffons won a judgment against George Harrison by claiming “My Sweet Lord” was a straight rip-off of “He’s So Fine” so there is precedent on her side. Of course it doesn’t help the lawyerly lunatic’s case by suing the Billy J. Kramer instead of The Beatles.