“Michael Che Hacked My Whole Capture Packet! ” CEO Screams Into Pile Of My Pillow QC Rejects

My Pillow founder Mike Lindell welcomed a throng of thonged QAnon computer experts numbering in the mid-double-digits to Sioux Falls this morning for a three-day cyber symposium that will prove “beyond a shallow of redoubt that the 2020 rigged presidential election was hacked by foreign antifa socialists and woke BLM do-gooders who hate our great unwoke heritage.

As my sainted gramma Lindell always told me as a little pillow maker: ‘Little Mike,’ she said, ”Little Mike.” She always called me Little Mike on account of her great granddaddy was always called Big Mike or Mauler Mike or just plain Killer. “Little Mike,” she said, if there’s one thing that will make you a millionaire one day it’s remembering that if something ain’t broken, don’t fix it. Tha’ts what makesw America great. A commitment.

“Unfortunately,” Lindell told the gathering, “our symposium has been hacked by Michael Che, possibly with the help of Colin Jost, Lorne Michaels & a rogue band of Bonanza fans who hate my pillows & would rather sleep on tumbleweeds than support our great American business model.  It’s the biggest crime ever. It was massive. It was across every state. And believe me, it’s big here in Sioux Falls,” the manic mogul shouted, gesturing at the empty air around him.