As The Church Lady Used To Say: How Convenient

The righteous outrage of our terminal dumb asses continues unabated this morning following the “highly suspicious timing” of the Frickin’ Park bridge collapse on Friday as failed President Joe Biden prepared to stump for his East Coast elite Build Back Better initiative in Pittsburgh.

 “Is it just me,” asked Tucker Carlsen rectumorally on Existential Trick Questions With Tucker Carlsen, “but doesn’t it seem odd that whenever the Dems are in power that everything is falling apart? If our infrastructure is so decrepit, why do the American people insist it’s not broken? Could it be because they know better than to fix things that have worked for those who have managed this country so well for hundreds of years?”

Rep. Louie “Louie” Gohmert (R-Word, TX) called for a congressional investigation into antifa’s involvement in the Pittsburgh bridge collapse. “It sure strikes the good people of Texas as odd that this bridge would collapse from a little snow after so many winters doing the job God intended it to do. Can anyone be certain that the bus that caused the bridge to buckle wasn’t overloaded with illegal immigrants?”

Senator Joe Manchin (Moronicrat, Wet Vagina) called the timing of the collapse “suspect,” adding that it didn’t look good for the administration that so much of America’s great infrastructure is failing on his watch, despite his “empty campaign promises to build back better when my constituents are telling me that things would just be fine if we could all go back to the way things were when we agreed that moderation is the golden mean to the golden rule.”

We could go on, but there are cave walls to paint and farts to cut. Here’s winking at you.