This Is My Intellectual Property, Soon To Be Deposed Tyrant Insists

“The American people elected me to be their president,” said twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and avowed racist dog-whisperer Dimwit Donald Turdwaffle to begin his 17-page rebuttal of accusations that he stole documents and gifts upon leaving the White House, “not their slave.

“I’m not anyone's slave. I am one of the world’s most valuable branded identities, which is an intellectual property, one of many that I possess in quantities like you wouldn’t believe.

“I would never let some government put my intellectual property in the pubic domain where any Dick, Jane, and Spotify could play with it, not for any amount of money, which was never discussed, which clearly means the government wasn’t interested in doing business, because that’s the first thing I always discuss.

“And don’t forget, I never took a penny, not a single penny mind you, not even a dime,” the lying sack of shit conitnued, “Every month I put out a statement to prove I didn’t take a single dollar or even ten, beecause some people no longer even trust their favorite president, but I never a buck, because that would be like taking a bribe to do things I had no intention of doing.

“But remember also, we had an understanding that if I did anything valuable while I wasn’t getting paid making America great again after centuries of horrible Democrat failed polices of the past in favor of welfare queens, who are responsible for so many of our nation’s thugs, while calling my uneducated supporters stupid for being uneducated and liking me, because I love the uneducated.

“What do you want me to do? You want me to lie? I had no idea golf was so important to running the world until I took office and I had to even cut back on my executive time, where I normally would think of things that would make the country a lot of money through loopholes, which cost the country bigly, because I had to worry about all these lawsuits.

"That’s how you make deals in business. Everybody sits down and agrees to what I say and we all sign non-disclosure agreements and promise not to compete with each other for the rest of our natural lives, that’s a loophole, by the way, because that’s the secret to market-based solutions, where you create a demand that you can control and charge what you want for it.

“Anybody who went to Wharton knows I’m right. Those documents are mine. I even signed executive orders that transferred ownership to my Save America PAC. I promise I’ll be getting back my property pretty soon. You can count on it.”