Failed Führer Insists Personal Boeing 757 Has “Great Balls”

In the wake of a borrowed plane’s suicide attempt two weeks ago with the former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator onboard, disgraced grifter Dimwit Donald J. Turdwaffle began soliciting donations to fund repair of Trump Force One, the outdated aircraft that has been rusting at Stewart Airfield in Fatburgh, NY, since 2016, when he stole the election from Hillary Clinton while claiming the whole thing was rigged by Democrats.

“I’ve never been on a plane with moth balls,” Turdwaffle shouted as one of his Proud Boys fired a few rounds over the heads of caged journalists at the back of his rally in Florence, SC, the other night. “Everything I own has big brass balls!”