I Should Have Stormed The Capitol With Chicken Nuggets

Former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and prime example of why teaching critical race theory to the proudly uneducated might not be such a bad idea, Dimwit Donald Grabito Pussolini says his biggest regret from the failed Jan 6 insurrection was having to donate so much “really good food” to the homeless.

“We had such a big spread,” the morbidly obese apprentice autocrat told reporters from Fox, ONAN, Newsmax, and Voice Of America, showing slides of mounds burgers, fish sandwiches, fried chicken,  and various deep-fried potato products. “We had enough wings and cheeseburgers and curly fries to feed the entire hungry army of Stop The Steal patriots. And we ended up having to give so much away to the homeless bums who hang around the Democrats at the Capitol. I hate for good food to go to waste.”

Trump now thinks the biggest mistake he made that day was not leading the march from his Save America rally down Pennsylvania Avenue and helped take the Capitol.

“The Secret Service said I couldn’t go, but that was my biggest mistake was listening to reason from these guys,” he continued, “ f I had been with the protestors, we wouldn’t be having this conservation today.

“We would have had such a great party at the White House after stopping the steal,” Pussolini concluded, “ nd not have been forced to encourage the homeless to loiter around the White House, such a dump, waiting for hand outs. These people should go back where they came from and beg for the old jobs back.”

Then, as suddenly as he appeared, America’s favorite Hitler vanished, leaving only a faint murmur on the breeze that seemed to fart: "The storm is coming.”