Fuck Zuck Movement Grows As Company Embraces Alternative  Damage Control

As shares of the company plummetted following disclosures that systemic malfeasance, misfeaseance, & nonfeasance are a key teaching of the tech giant’s corporate culture, bemused citizens around the world are voicing concern as reports of late night moving operations & unexplained outages have rocked the platform.

Rumors abound that the company has decided to retrench in St. Petersberg, where its parent company has its home offices, after failed to secure a lease on the former Gulag in Norilsk.

Sources close to the Kremlim (who spoke only on condition that we mention their names and include a decent head shot to accompany this story) say Facebook has been a wholly-owned subsidiary of VK since 2006 as part of a complex transaction involving Gazprom, Ukraine, & Jared Kushner.

We no longer try to contact anyone to verify our reporting or ask for comment. That’s how antifa rolls.