Elaine Chao Says Patriotism Will Get Proles “To Do The White Thing”

Former Transportation Secretary, chairwoman of the Federal Maritime Commission, Harvard graduate, & wealthy Taiwenese trophy wife of Mitch McConnell (R-Word, KY-Jellyroll), Elaine Chao, today suggested that the federal government needs to stop paying people to stay home watching Netflix and instead reinstitute a national draft retooled specifically to fill more than 8 million low-paying vacancies in essential services with long-COVID survivors & other malingerers.

“America was not built by vagrants,” the former Labor Secretary & one time Director of The Peace Corps told a group of personal investors in the McConnell family plantation. “It was built by hard-working patriots recruited from the jungles of Africa who later became unenamored with the American dream & who then coerced Abraham Lincoln into emancipating them.”

Choa, former president & CEO of United Way of America, is heir to The Foremost Group, a transportation empire founded by her father, Chiang Kai Shek, to shield taxable assets from prying government eyes, while providing global logistics to address the burgeoning demand for synthetic opioids, particularly fentanyl.

"We as a country have to force people to get back to work,” she said. “Because what we are seeing in the supply chain crisis is basically the lack of respect for our economy on the part of our former workers. There are not enough people to produce fast food and ephemeral services, and that is putting inflationary pressures on our economy, adding to the woes of the supply chain. So we really need these workers to come back. No ifs, ands, or buts. Today!

“If we’re ever going to make America great again,” said the Distinguished Fellow with the Heritage Foundation, “we must return to our plantation roots & built them back better, where job creators create the demand & closely regulate the supply, which is right there in the Constitution, where it guarantees corporations, which are people after all, can pursue their happiness.

“It’s time we turned our attention away from bailing out unnecessary enterprises that cater to the welfare class & focus instead on rescuing our floundering supply-side plantation economy, which will make the world safe for day-trading again,” the former director of the Peace Corps told someone with an iPhone.