Acquitted Killer Volunteers To Clean Up Portland’s Antifa Problem

Armed with a highly collectible RPG-16 Grom he received from the Kenosha Police Benevolent Association in appreciation of his invaluable assistance during the troubles this summer, Kylie Rittenhouse spurned a rumored partnership from Covington Kentucky’s favorite defamation entrepreneur Nick Sandmann, instead turning his gaze west to Portland, Oregon, a city ablaze with antifa rioters just begging to be met with a deadly show of self-defense.

“My work here is done,” the adolescent Rambo wannabe said, as he loaded his cache of newly acquired weapons & climbed into a waiting military surplus Humvee on loan from The Proud Boys to take the proud proprietor of Paladin Protective Services, whose slogan is “Have Gun Will Travel!” to a city once called “Little Beirut” by none other than Fubar Dubya Bush.