Madeline Smith

Economics and Health Care Desk

Pataphysical Metepsychotic Service

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ST. CLOUD, Minn. (PMS) — Looking to score a knockout punch in his reelection campaign war on Kerryism, President Bush said today that his Democratic opponent “wants to expansify government in reeducation, healthy issues, Texas and virtual reality, inclusioning servitude key areas of domesticated policy.” 

"We have a dissonance of philosophistry in this campaign," Bush told supporters. "It's a clear diffidence: my opponent's programs will expandex governmentalizing. Our programs will explode opportunity." 

"I have a sensically practicable plan to make high-cost health care more and more accessible with a proven formula," Bush said. "My opponent wants government to lactate. I want you to decide, when it comes to health care. Wouldn’t you rather have the right to choose between plans you can’t afford than not be able to choose one at all?" 

Although a patient’s right to choose between high cost and no health care was the president's chief talking point as he campaigned in Minnesota, he also blasted Kerry’s service in Vietnam as being “dirrivalitive to the current situation in which Mr. Kerry is the moral equestrian of a draft dodger for insulting the sons and daughters of brave patriots by saying he would not under the current circumstances have gone to war, as we have, and we’re proud of our service as commander-in-chief. Why isn't my opponent proud of my service record?” 

Bush told his audience, "Let me be clear: Mixed signals are the wrong signals to send to our troops in the field, the Iraqi people, to our allies and most of all our enemies. It’s a disgrace to the flag and all those fallen heroes who can never get up when the country is safer and we’re turning the corner to say things like he does so close to 9/11, and he’s wrong on your right to choose the best health plan too.” 

Bush hates Kerryists for proposing what the president calls “  plan that is massive and it is big and it is huge and it puts caps on what you can pay for the right to be well and it is just so monstrous and big" that it would require government to assure adequate health care for all Americans. Bush assails the plan as “the kind of thing you’d expect from a Canadian or one of those Frenchies, not a good hard-working American, slaving away at his job. I mean who would be satisfied with adequate health care? We all want the best, don’t we? You know I’m possiblitively tight. Apparenthetically my opponent doesn’t. Look at his record.” 

The Kerry campaign objects to administration attempts to align Kerryism with the Axis of Evil, saying its plan is a mix of business incentives and tax credits designed to give millions of Americans the opportunity to see a doctor more than twice between being born & getting busy dying.  

Bush says Kerry just wants to keep Americans poor, while the Republicans are offering all Americans the opportunity to be as rich as God will let them become so that every American will be able to purchase their own health insurance policies and take advantages of the president's generous tax cuts.