This Was Not A Jury Of Her Peers, Say Lawyers

Attorneys for Ghislaine Maxwell are asking the judge to vacate her convictions for sex trafficking after one of the jurors on the case told reporters that he had been abused as a child, but not by Maxwell or Jeffrey Epstein.

“But you’d recognize his name in a second,” Kenny DeWitt, owner of Don Weinauer’s Gay Apparel, told reporters. “But don’t ask me to spill the beans. I signed an NDA.”

Maxwell’s attorneys argue that their client was denied a fair trial by a jury of her peers, which would not include victims of child abuse or sex trafficking.

“Only sex traffickers and child abusers should have been allowed to sit in judgment of one of their own,” wrote Hymen Tickle, founding partner with Tickle, Tinkle, & Tongue. “You wouldn’t want your worst enemies judging you, would you, your honor?”

Judge Colin Forsecs appeared not to know whether to laugh or fire off a few rounds.