I Have Absolutely Nothing Against The Negroes Or The Coloreds

Former Senate Majority Leader Mitch “The Ninja” McConnell (R-Word,KY) lashed out at the liberal media this morning for airing recordings of his actual words during their broadcasts of what he had said “without giving equal time to what is in my heart.”

McConnell's latest brouhaha arose on Wednesday when he was asked what he would say to voters who are concerned about his opposition to the John Lewis Votings Rights Act. “Well,” The Ninja replied, “the concern is misplaced, because if you look at the statistics, African American voters are voting in just as high a percentage as their owners.”

A few liberals were predictably outraged by McConnell’s flippant racism, but they took to Twitter to incite a virtual mob of peasants armed with virtual torches & pitchforks who stormed up the hill to The Capitol… oh wait, I got my notes mixed up.

“Of course I never intended to sound like racist everyone thinks I am,” the affable old racist smiled, “and I apologize to any who were offended by how the media took my words out of context without realizing that at one time there really were some very fine people on both sides, but not anymore.”

We’re not sure how much longer we can feign interest in this particular topic.