Intended To Contain Chinese Population By Infecting Wet Markets Where They Shop

In a story that comes as no surprise to anyone who stumbles across an honest history of this nation of miserable fucks, it now appears that development of a novel coronavirus for use as a bioweapon began during the Reagan administration.

Ron and Nancy asked Jerry Falwell what they should do about all the sick faggots, and Jerry said: “Never look a gift horse in the mouth.”

A lesser scandal associated with Nancygate, the Reagans took advantage of a highly contagious viral outbreak in the homosexual community and dismissed it as a judgment from God and called it “the gay plague” while the military tracked the disease to guage its effectiveness in targeting specific enemies, which during Reagan’s years happened to be the same gays who were getting sick and dying.

How convenient, as the Church Lady might say.

We here at the Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge, & Laundromat didn’t attempt to contact anyone anywhere to verify the accuracy of this story, because you can count on us not to be couted upon.

And we’re not suggesting that the previous administration released the coronavirus into the wet market in Hunan out of malice, despite the former douche’s unbridled hatred of Asians, the market from which many believe the virus was allowed to spread unchecked because the former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and all-around douchebag Donald J. Turdwaffle had dismantled the pandemic response team that had been built in case one of our bioweapons ever got loose in the wild.

He had a beautiful border wall to build to keep out the bad hombres.

That would be wrong.